- like i don't have enough bullshit and disappointment in my life as it is. now why you all wanna' go ruin my summer like this?

- the yankee stadium faithful are booing Torre now. not since '96 have they even dared. the last hope for this year is that the red sox get caught in some horrendous plane/bus accident and they all get stuck in the Andes and have to eat each other. maybe then the yankees could have a chance in hell. wait until spring, bandini- next spring that is... ortiz looks like he's got a lot of meat on him. grill him first...

Deep Thoughts

*Sometimes I think of Jason Giambi and I want to help, but then I think, "nah, fuck 'em"

*Come to think of it that whole Roger thing got a little out of hand didn't it fans?

*Mike Mussina is a nice guy but he seems like he has hairy hands if you know what I mean.

*This headline says it all: "A-Rod, Wang do in the Sox"

*Be doin another edition of Play Ball tonight! Shilling and pettite, see you after the show.

i guess this series would matter more if each win was worth triple points. i can't even watch the yankees anymore. awhile back i asked for someone to tell me when the worst of it is over, and i'm still waiting... who else can we bring out of retirement. what about Bernie as new manager??? and by the way, what the fuck is with Posada? .382, holy shit.

OKI-DOKI

Life is good, life is good! Life is definitely good! 10 Games up on the Yankees. Mostly because of this guy, Okijima. Or as I like to refer to him, "OKI-(what the hell ever happened to Mike Timlin?, did he get inside this guy's body?) -DOKI"

Actually the whole team is playing like it's October, except it's not. Which is disappointing to say the least. But we are 25% of the way thru the season. If we put together a mediocre second half we might still be in good shape.

ESPN ticker announced the stat of the day: No Yankees team under Joe Torre has ever trailed the Sox by 10 games. Yankees fans are all playing the same card right now, "Happens every year...see you in October.....you guys will choke at the all-star break." Guess what guys, what if you're wrong this time? What then?....You know you can't make the playoffs every year right? It's actually not possible statistically.....you guys OK?

congrats on the great start...

We Gonna' Sweep the Tigers' Asses!

it's just a hunch but i got a good feeling about it, the sox and the tigers are the two best teams in the a.l. right now, we got them in our home court.

the feeling around new england right now is world series or bust, and super bowl or bust at the same time....we a crazy conceited and it feels awesome. kinda like lindasy lohan at a club in the v.i.p. room looking down on all of the little people.

Play Ball! Sunday 5.13.2007

2:08: Ok game under way. Glad to do one with Remy and Orsillo today. I'm watching this Mother's day game on two 12" inch TV's that are placed in different areas of my pad.

2:09: Youk at third today....hmmm. I like Lowell better over there.

2:14: Remy and Orsillo are talking about their parents, this is why I like these guys, their freaking parents watch all the games, have been Sox fans their whole life. Give me announcers who grew up big fans of the team they're announcing, not just a good neutral voice.

2:17: What the hell? A double steal and a wild throw. Birds 1- Sox 0. Beckett's got 2 K's and a walk. Weird start.

2:20: I knew we should have traded Manny for Aubrey Huff! right up the middle, Birds 2-0

2:30: Jay Gibbons must not be doing too well this year, hitting in the bottom part of the order. I always thought he would be a solid player, and he plays everyday, but he never became an often mentioned player.

2:39: Weird play, Payton totally mispilays the ball. What are the Orioles trying to build a replica of the 2005 Sox....if so Trot Nixon obviously does not like soft shell crab.

2:41: offense very lame right now. The Birds are not this good.

2:43: Orsilllo holding one of those pink bats wearing a beige suit. "That bat goes very well with your suit, Don (laughs)," says Remy. Followed by the theme of Love Boat playing for thirty seconds. "You have pulled out some beauty's this year," Remy is picking on Don again, classic.

2:46: Looks like this home plate ump is horrible, made some bad calls in this series already.

2:49: pretty catch by 'Tek, the guy's still got it. Somebody told me he's 35. I'm gonna look that up.

2:51: yup he turned 35 on 4/11. uh-oh we got any prospects?

2:55: Not really, Kottaras and Wagner, neither rated very highly. We might want to draft a stud soon.

3:00: Beckett with 7K's here with one out in the top4th. This guy is a real deal.

3:02: Millar will always be a Red Sock, that saying looks really stupid anyways back to my original thought, but he will also always be the guy who just lines bullets into the crowd on the 3rd baseline, foul drive after foul drive.

3:17: Why was Kyle Snyder warming up? Irritation in what? Well no win for Beckett, no decision I would think.

3:18 Birds 3-0, nice play by Cora there.

3:27: J.D. Drew waking everybody up, way to go Mr. Pink bat. Looks like Beckett has some skin irritation on his finger, no biggie. They can reattach tendons but they can figure out indian burn.

KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

4:56: Took a little break, I've got shit to do today.

4:57: Bottom of the 9th, Birds5-Sox0. Let's see if a little magic happens. Ooh catcher drops an easy one. Very suspicious here and the pitcher Guthrie is gone, wow you think they would let him close this out with 90 something pitches.

KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

5:28: Incredible scequence of events, basically the O's choked big time. I am in shock.......Sox-6 Birds-5. Weird Game and even weirder Running Game Diary, but hey who cares?

as a Yankee fan i often wonder: Why Is Giambi Always Soaking Wet?

i mean, he is usually the DH, so is it the Dep Styling Gel wet look?

or is he doing something else between at bats?

it's the only worthwhile discussion in the world

I Don't Think I Even Need To Post About It, You Already Know What's Gone Down In The Bronx Today!!!

If Wake Pitched in a Dome He'd be One of the Best in the Majors

How's that for fuckin' unreasonable statement!

"Bobby Abreu is so good because he has the lightest grip with his left hand in the league. He grips the bat like a pianist."

- did i really just hear Tim McCarver explain that there is a nerve center just above the elbow that can be very sensitive??? seriously, and what the fuck is with this Tim McCarver u.s. domination map???

- and i am blaming Buck and McCarver for breaking up Wang's perfect game. especially McCarver, motherfucker been talking about the perfect game since the fourth inning. i think he's jinxing on purpose... thanks again, dynamic duo.

Remember Us?

Just look into the Babe's eyes...motherfucker was a good pitcher too...for the Sox that is...didn't have many starts in pinstripes.

lookout, sammy! who knew you were still in the major leagues?

sweeping Texas was a start. now let's see if the Yankees can gain some traction against Seattle.

this was a great double-header. too bad i only got to hear about it. and 2 saves in one day means that Mariano is still one of the best.

These Days

Phil Hughes: Looked really good, like a young Clemens...same delivery, pretty impressive. He goes Kaiser Soze on the Yankees though, yikes you don't just throw everybody a bone like that and disappear for a month and half.

Papelbon: paid $450,000 this year. Rivera: $13mil These salaries will be reversed in 2-3 years.

Got to love these cushy schedules hey Yanks fans? Rangers are very bad this year... Seattle may be worse. Who the hell can tell? It's only May!

A-Rod cooled off a little, Thank God he only heats up in April...he could be really good someday.

Sign that the Apocolypse is near. Yankees have(had) a coach for performance enhancement. This reminds me of when I heard a story about a doctor that worked for the Yankees in the 50's. He wouldn't subscribe uppers to the players so the Yankees fired him and hired a doctor who would. I'm sure the Yanks will be playing awesome for no reason soon.

Jim Rice: is my hero cause he's a badassmotherfucker. I was watching a classic game on NESN and they were showing Nomar's 10 RBI, 2 Grand Slam game. Jim Rice was in the dugout laughing his ass off, I was like what the hell is Jim Rice doing in there. I suspect Jim Rice and Ellis Burks will be hanging in the dugout when they are old just because nobody will kick them out. Anyways, he always acts cool when he's on tv and that is hard to do. Just ask Joe Buck.

i believe in comebacks

The Yankees need to go into Texas and sweep. Not 1 of 3 or 2 of 3. At this point it's all or nothing. I'm not sure exactly what has happened to Steinbrenner, and i don't fully understand the loyalty to Torre- at least not over the past couple of years. The Yankees need an action manager. Steinbrenner needs to rehire Billy Martin, again, and just set his urn on the bench and see how well he does... I'm sure it couldn't be any worse. (and yes, an urn would be more active than Torre at this point)

ENTER SANDMAN

now there's the Mo i know. entering the field from the bullpen to that Metallica song blaring over the Yankee Stadium p.a. system. broken bat bloop single, it happens. but then lights out.
finally. finishing a game before McCarver has a chance to talk any longer about mandatory yoga sessions for major league players. if i'd had time to see more of this game i would have turned on a radio to get some real play by play and coherent commentary. so there it is. 1 win out of a week of losses. why do i feel wary of expecting two wins in a row.....

"I'm missing up. I'm missing down. I'm missing everywhere," he said.

i give up...
seven straight losses. last place.
i'm not sure if i can even watch today.
BRING BERNIE BACK. and where is clemens already?
(i'm reaching a point where rational commentary is no longer a valid way to express myself)

and a rain-out tonight was exactly what the yankee doctor ordered.


in other news, it was yet another day of unpaid building orientations. my boots failed the conductivity test. now i have to buy yet another pair of boots. haven't they ever heard of anti-static heel straps??? but i guess that's a question for a very select audience.

what could i possibly say about the yankees right now?
i am going to close my eyes and ask that someone please tell me when it's over...


at least arod makes it a little less painful to watch...

it's getting better all the time

when i woke up there were leaves in my bed. must've left the window open. this week is summer/ last week and next week will be winter.again. up early to go to special building orientations. i'll say it again, i've never locked out-tagged out anything, i've never needed a confined spaces work permit... i'm also on a mission for pants. the one pair of pants i've been enjoying for the past few weeks were literally eaten alive by floor stripper. it was burning my legs as i was driving home. i forgot how much fun it is to work with miserable chemicals. but before all of that i'm busy buying used books from random internet people. books, books, books. at least i got paid... and for your info, Bartles, my 585 413 88xx number will be up and running by midweek. i might start returning phonecalls.sure i will...

Play Ball! Sunday 4.22.07

8:10 : Steeeeerike. Flashbulbs commence.

8:14 : Miller and Morgan tend to ruin games for me, but for the sake of blogging tonight I'll roll with it. Miller seems to think Dice-K just threw a Gyro, meanwhile he's plodding through the inning.

8:16 : A-Rod needs a good plunking every now and then. I knew Dice-K would get into this rivalry.

8:18 : Shit, 2-0 Yanks...Dice-K learning how tough a line-up this really is. Have they piss tested Giambi lately, he's sweating like a whore in church right now.

8:24 ; Tomorrow's probable stater, Ron Guidry.

8:30 : Two walks to start, time for one of those over top infield meetings that the Yanks love to do.

8:37 : I stand corrected, Chase Wright gets out of a very dangerous situation by getting absolutely lucky and keeping the ball down for Drew. This could't possibly be another instance where Dice-K gets overshadowed is it?

8:44 : Screw Chevy and the song they rode in on....."This is our country!"

8:49 : What's that like 3 walks....hmmm, that bullpen ain't likin' this.

8:51 : Thank you for showing up Mr. Rookie....ah shit we got nothing out of that.

8:53 : Like they need to show commercials for Grey's Anatomy? I need to get into one of those network think tanks and change the world.

8:56 : Jeter gets beaned, we're losing but as long as Dice-K keeps hitting guys I dislike I could care less. I always felt that we were missing "that guy" since Pedro left.... you know that crazy talent and crazy ego all rolled into one.

9:05 : I guess Giambi owns Dice-K, oh well. I bet Mark Loretta would have caught that. heart of the line-up coming up. 3-0 Yanks. Bot 3rd.

9:10 : Gammons makes an appearance, I love Peter. Wily Mo Pena will be starting in center by the all-star break.

9:14 : Manny with a huge blast, very nice....you could tell just from his swing it was out of the park.

9:15 : J.D Drew with a back-2-back, let this be the first of the many.

9:17 : Mike Lowell with a back-2-back-2-back to tie the game, holy shit. "This one was hit all the way to New Hampshire!" says Jon Miller

9:18 : Varitek......TEK with four in a row......YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

9:23 : They just showed a clip of Theo after a montage of those homers and he goes, "Oh my God" in unison with me. Alright Dice-K let's wrangle this bull.

9:26 : What kind of name is Melky anyway?

9:46 : Jeez, we looked good that whole inning and we couldn't get a run off a guy named Mr. Bean.

9:49 : Jeter homers, Dice-K is reminding me more of Pedro when he wasn't as sharp as he used to be. 4-4 tie, top 5th

9:53 : An epic battle with A-Rod ending in a 3-pitch K. But here comes the Giambino.

9:55 : Do not fly you're Cesna unless you've taken Bayer Vitamin Supplements........thanks for the tip Bayer. Insert ill-timed Cory Lidle joke here......hey I'm not the one who showed the commercial during a Yanks game alright?

10:00 : I love how Mike Lowell was a toss-in in the Beckett trade and he has proven to be amazing for us... follow the trail of the trades that year....Andy Marte hasn't blossomed, Renteria is doing OK, and Hanley Ramirez is looking solid...but, we're things worked out for the immediate future which is the most important thing in Beantown.

10:07 : Wow, we've stranded a lot of guys on base....it's our own fault if we lose this one.

10:13 : It seems like every time Miller and Morgan start feeding the Dice-K legend the Yanks score a run 5-4 Yanks.

10:15 : Here comes Petitte, this really is a playoff game! I wonder if every manager would trot out their 4o+ starter during a game in April? If Petitte gets hurt you better find Torre some ointment ASAP.

10:21 : shit, looks like it worked out for the bombers.

10:37 : Finally a Scott Proctor appearance...time to score some runs.

10:38 : Nobody kills time to get their relievers ready like the Yanks, it's almost endearing if it weren't some grey version of cheating.

10:39 : OOOOOO, Mike Lowell....the freshmaker.

10:40 : Just saw the replay great call by the umps, that was very close. 7-5 Sox.

10:48 : Why am I a bigger sports fan now than when I was a kid? Because I can actually stay up to see the games now. How are kids supposed to watch this? Once again tv and advertisers ruin the purity of the game.

10:51 : Guidry comes out for bullshit session number 5 and I'm out... peace i got to work in the morning. Let's hope nothing crazy happens.......................................................................................

Somebody Get Torre Some Ointment

Well, it is not a regular occurance to have your heartbeating over a game in mid-April but the first match-up of the year was certainly a thriller. The Fenway crowd is really showing how intense baseball is around here. I refuse to believe you'll see atmosphere like that anywhere this time of year. I feel bad for fans that don't get to experience things like this...hey we're lucky us Sox and Yanks fans.

Just so happens us Sox fans are a little luckier when Mo Rivera is pitching, that's the way the cookie crumbles.

This series is pretty much showcasing how deep we are with pitching and how thin the Yanks are right now, chances are good the owner of the Twins will be missing in the morning. His last trace of existence being a signature on a Johan Santana for Scott Procter and player to be named later trade. This shit happens every year.

Keep losing Yanks, Clemens will turn you down like you have crabs if you're .500 at the all-star break.

P.S. Bartles will do a Running Diary for Sunday's game at 8PM for Dice-K vs. the Bombers.

The First Showdown

Well Don Orsillo, the sox tv play-by-play man, told me the other day that there are no weekend Toronto vs Sox or Toronto vs. Yankees games all season at the Skydome. What a bummer, eh brother James? That would have been nice, maybe next year.

This is going to be a fun weekend, nice weather all the way through, Dice-K on Sunday vs. some nobody named Chase. We all know the Sox own the Yankees early on in the season, so you can take it to the bank that we will win 2 out of 3, you're local bookie know that too so antee up.

I was at the series that we lost five in a row last year, a.k.a, the end of the season and I feel like the team will play strong, even though half of our position players from last year are gone, maybe they will have grandfathered-in emotions.

Oh, btw I heard the new play-by-play man for the radio the other day. Then I got pulled over by a statey, didn't get a ticket, fyi: that's no ticket in last 4 pullovers (I'm due). Now that's what I call Bartles & Charm. Anyways, he sounded OK, but mostly it sounded like he needs a little more time to loosen up.

Best of luck to your team Bro James, A-Rod is looking very hot, reminds me of Pujols' April last year. How'd that work out? Pretty good actually, this is Alex R. were talking about though, I'm mean the guy just doesn't get injured. Consider that your jinx for the weekend, biotch.

it's not just hype anymore. i believe it...

so- why am i still up? or- should i still be up? i haven't decided yet, i've never really worked a short evening shift like this before. got in the car tonight just in time to catch the yankees radio post game, and radio post games, i must admit, are the best fucking things ever. i love the strange jingles from some other era and the endless roll-call of advertisers and sponsors and all of the special moments and special highlights and special player of the game segments all with their special names and special sponsors and special reminders and you never really actually figure out what happened in the game after your head is flooded with so much of this perfect nonsense. anyways. i need a haircut. and a hobby. and new people to talk to who won't disappoint me so much. and a phone to call these new people just to "shoot the shit..." something good is going to happen. i am going to make it happen. it's not just hype anymore! believe it!!!

Hurricane Monday

*I can't believe they played a game at 10am this morning. At six am at my house a hurricane blasted through my neighborhood and knocked down a fifty foot pine and the powerlines. It looks like it rained pine tree branches last night in my neigborhood.

*Don't know if you have been watching I Love New York, but it has been fascinating.

*I'm sorry but Indians from India need to get the fuck out of my life.

*Either the Angels are looking really bad or the Sox are looking good, I'm going to go with the former. I refuse to be a believer in April... I will not be sucked in this time. This script is just going exactly like last year (every year), yankees look weak and the sox look great........

*Clemens is decompressing his oversized head in a high altitude right now.

*Got to say J.D. Drew has impressed me, Lugo has impressed me, and Coco Crisp has disappointed, Pedroia is like one of those 3-D posters from the nineties 9o's ( I just can't see what everyone else is seeing).

*I'll just say this once, ***, there I said it.

*(links to pornography need to be posted on The Red Fern. i've said it before, Its New York class versus New England trash. put that in your porn pipe and smoke it)

someone's got a case of the fuck you's

no amount of coffee or b vitamins is going to fix the feeling of today. monday. and i can't tell if it's raining or snowing, it looks like both. i stared at my boots for a good fifteen minutes before i decided to put them on. i feel as healthy as the yankees starting rotation. i'm sure they're on the phone to clemens, but i wonder what other ex-yankee aces they should be calling, is whitey ford still alive? i know i was in bed for a majority of the night but i can't remember ever being asleep. the game plan is to just drag myself into work. do what i got to do and get back home and back in bed. like the day didn't exist at all. my cold is officially time- sharing in my head. it comes for a couple days, leaves, and comes back a couple weeks later. what the fuckity- fuck???

more random thoughts from a sunday night to expand upon monday morning...

• i have this head cold with claws- i basically feel like i've been underwater for ten days now.

• finally had a quiet sunday where i could sit and watch a yankees games, pitch for pitch, but there is something about games in oakland that bore me beyond belief. coupled with the lifeless commentary of ken singleton and john flaherty, i think i was actually dead for awhile there, legally deceased. finally in the seventh the game gets interesting, and i'm all set for a mariano 1,2,3 ninth inning, and he blows it. i miss those automatic days. before the last game of the '01 series. he's still one of the best closers in baseball, but now i watch with doubt. and i sure hope jeter or arod knows how to pitch- with mussina, pavano, wang, all on the DL. what the fuck next?

• this winter has some god damned claws. april the 16th and out the window i see a pretty heavy snow falling. 6-8 inches by noon. sounds about right. it's just a reminder that i have to do better. that's it's time to do something worthwhile. as if anyone could define what that is?

drmysterioso- our ladies for you

my god, my good sweet lord, always allows a second chance, and a recompense for what's done. but
"i was drunk" will no longer be an available excuse for me. it's fun when things finally turn around. and i get a day or two off to look at it all. examine. admire. think about getting a paycheck next week and my plan to go to a real barbershop for a fresh cut and a professional shave. I've heard that any self respecting male should get a professional shave at least once a month. i don't know. things to do. not really. pay my brother back. some housework, painting and such. i am going to save some money and move this whole show in a better direction. no more ships to sink. it's just about finding something to let this light fill this room and appreciate it for once. we're not kids anymore. to be continued...

if i had more time...

...i'd be able to sit and watch evry episode of The Mighty Boosh. where was this show while i was getting high???

neglect

It's been rather nice the last two nights to come home from work and see the Yankees soundly stomping on the Minnesota Twins.

But then there's this Bartles and James thing. Which kept my drunk mind occupied for much of the winter, and now which I think I'm just completely neglecting.

These are the in between times. Where I'm working but not making any money. Where it's spring but still snowing outside. Where I've had to pack away most of my unreasonable notions in order to be able to work nicely with people during the day. (did i mention yet that I am the "white guy" at work. the one and only and it's great.)

So, hopefully sometime soon here I'll be able to watch more than just the ninth inning of a game, and think of something to post to this blog better than neglect...

The Dice Man/Beckett/The Future

Well, well....looks like Matsusaka had a pretty solid performance. To be honest I kind of expected that but what really surprised me was Beckett's performance the night previous. Just to give a little background Beckett threw predominately fastballs all last year, the rest of the AL hitters figured this out before the all-star break but Beckett continued to try and smoke the ball past people, which he has the ability to do, but he gave up a crazy number of homers too. And on a cold night game, the guy comes out and throws mostly slow stuff, impressive.



Between Papelbon in the pen, and those two guys looking like they'll be pretty solid for the next 3-4 years, they are under contract until then, we have some solid young pitching goin' on. Unfortunately, Shilling, Wakefield, and Tavares are a combined 120 years old.



Well, things could be worse.....



Thanks for the good times Randy.

today is a rain-out....

***
Today is christmas morning- waking up with snow on the ground april 5th- what the fuck?
i'll do my best to get drunk this weekend and update this bartles and james thing...

opening day in 2 different ways

1.yankees win. red sox lose.

2.within two hours of starting my new job i had sliced my thumb open with a utility knife blade that was in my wallet. then i had to explain to people why i keep utility knife blades in my wallet. (because i used to work somewhere that people kept taking the new ones, and in order to be assured that i always have a new one- i keep one in my wallet. but i also forgot that fact as i was reaching into my wallet looking for a quarter for the vending machine...)
then i had to tell a bunch of people that i was not a hemophiliac, even though i might be, i mean i sure do bleed all over the place. but i'll survive. i just have a tendency of doing something stupid on first days of work when i'd prefer to just be quiet. but then i got high on those great fumes that come off of wet floor wax and i thought buddhist thoughts like i used to at adidas- laughing to myself for no apparent reason eating cashews and reading fashion magazines. what a life this is.

R.I.P. Danny boy

Greece man dies after crash

He seemed OK at accident scene, but died hours later at hospital
Alan Morrell Staff writer

(March 31, 2007) — GREECE — A Greece man who died in a crash early Friday had gotten out of his damaged vehicle and was walking around and talking before he collapsed and succumbed to his injuries.
Daniel Hutchings, 27, was southbound on Dewey Avenue when his car slammed into a utility pole at McGuire Road about 12:15 a.m., said police Lt. Steve Chatterton.
"He got out of the car by himself," said Chatterton, who was at the scene."He was talking to ambulance people. He sat on the ground, he was talking to eyewitnesses."
Thinking the crash was not that serious, Chatterton left the scene.He got a call a short time later, indicating Hutchings had died at Strong Memorial Hospital, where he was taken for treatment and observation.
"I was shocked," Chatterton said."From the damage on the car, all the damage was on the passenger side. The driver's side was pretty intact."Hutchings apparently was not wearing a seatbelt, police said.
The Monroe County Medical Examiner's Office is investigating the cause of death



***i was really deeply saddened by this yesterday. but after reading the obit today i just feel sick to my stomach. somehow an obit makes it real. but i was laughing a bit thinking about how pissed he was that i was quitting the bowling team. it was like i was breaking up the beatles or something. shit- that had to be like 8th or 9th grade. he will be missed...

Andrew Dice K

Brain Not Working...All Body Functions Shutting Down

bad omens

I believe in bad omens. The Yankees starting Carl Pavano opening day feels like one of them. Didn't he miss a whole season because he hurt his ass? Hasn't he made a shitload of money doing absolutely nothing over the past couple years? I'd rather see Cory Lidle pitch opening day... Is Ugueth Urbina available??? Why don't they go find Sydney Ponson again, that worked out so fucking great last year...

if this is the only thing i accomplish today i think i will be satisfied...

Told You So

Word out of Sox camp this week is that J.P. will be the closer this year regardless of what doctors have to say about his shoulder. The one missing part to this years roster was the closer position, looks like we are all good now. Is it Opening Day yet?

comments that consist of random letters or the phrase "baba booey" will not be tolerated at Bartles and James. Thank You and Godspeed...

congradualtaions!!!

to who? to me!!!!

whatever will become of bartles and james now that i am employed??? has it really been THAT long that i've been out of work??? isn't that why i started this. for something to do beyond talking to myself... bartles and james is certainly going through some changes. cleaner. simpler. and a lot less drunk. and nine days till real baseball. and anyone who wonders:

"where will the rocket land"

is a friend of mine....

and remember dear, sweet pilgrims-

that god always offers a second chance

even if it's only in your head..

fuck face

what is it, like 9 days till opening day??? and i can't wait for the return of Baseball Tonight, it's my holy mass, i worship every night at 10 and 12!!!

random bits from a sunday night to expand upon monday morning

1. that stupid fucking Wimbledon movie is on again. i won't be tricked into watching this movie again. there is something disturbing about kirsten dunst's head

2. the notebook i keep on the table next to my bed was damaged by a glass of iced tea knocked over in the middle of the night. there was a dream in there where i was in a vin diesel movie about renegade tow truck drivers. i was "the criminal with the guilty conscience". somehow the "big heist" of this movie involved illegally towing people's cars and selling their ipods and jackets. even in my dreams i can't be a real bad ass. i need some kind of a water bottle with a spill proof top for keeping fluids (which are vital for above mentioned middle of the night) next to my bed

3. i need to delve into the chicago cubs and that whole shitload of history/ failure/goat luck.
this is what i will do on monday



4. ***(ended up watching that stupid fucking wimbledon movie. again. kirsten dunst is hot, even with that misshapen skull of hers)

The Fens

I love you Fenway, don't ever change....well a glass dome would BE cool.

...on the subject of trash.

why even bother worrying about the creeps in the Fenway stands when there are creeps fighting elderly men right out on the field. boston, nothing but class...

and by the way,

Yankees fans don't need to make predictions. excellence is a given - never a guess.

This Ain't No Disco

You will be missed Shef, you really knew what this whole rivalry was about, hitting some fans and intimidating everyone into thinking you want to kill them. Shit, I would watch you at bat in my living room and you scared the shit out me.

Too bad you signed with the yanks, I remember your press conference like it was yesterday. I thought that shit would last, oh well. Only thing to do now is to hit one of their starting pitchers with a baseball bat....by the way the guy that pushed Shef in this picture lost his season tickets. There are roughly 35K seats in Fenway and about 30mil people in New England. Just sayin.

Ooh Yeah Kool-Aid!

Owwee this is nice, like steppin' into a sweet bachelor pad or something. I like it all, I like it all.

Well I guess it's time for some predictions for this upcoming season of baseball love and rivalry hate, here we go:

1. A-Rod will be traded to some unsuspecting team more than half-way through the season, the bullshit here is that the yankees will probably get something decent in return.

2. After thinking hard about the final division standings, Sox did finish 3rd last year, after some thought, Sox by five games.

3. Mussina= Time for an injury=yanks will be screwed

4. Dice-K will get 20 wins, Schilling will get 15, Wakefield 18, Beckett 10, Papelbon will be closing by the all-star break.

5. Clemens will be playing golf....on his days off in the rotation for the Sox. That prediction all depends if Clemens gets HGH in the mail on time. Seriously his head has doubled in size, look at Bonds and Stallone, look at their fucking heads!

6. Who is that annoying broad that announces yankees games?.......she will be fired.

7. matsui will hit 50 Hr this year, Ortiz will hit 60.

8. Fuckin' A-Rod will win the MVP even after being traded, this is the nature of the beast.

too much Pacino

in the last 48 hours i have watched all three Godfather movies and the movie Heat.
i agree with what most people think about the Godfather trilogy:

1. the first one is great
2. the second one is greater
3. the third one shouldn't even be called a Godfather movie. it really isn't. i try hard to not be swayed by public opinion, but i have to say "yes, it does blow..."

Heat is a 171 minute movie that should have been 81 minutes long. if you squint you can see where this is almost a great movie.
The Pacino/ De Niro diner scene is one of the greatest moments in american cinematic history.

all this leaves me wanting to see Dog Day Afternoon again, which is without a doubt Pacino's greatest role. yet, no matter how great an actor Pacino may be, this is way too much Pacino for any 48 hour period. HOOH-Hah!!!

***
in other "movies i've watched" news: i just saw Babel, and christ it's depressing. i also caught the last part of The Great Escape , you know the part where almost all of the escapees from Stalag Luft III are recaptured and killed.
(and if that is a spoiler -then shame on you if you haven't seen The Great Escape by now- it has got to be in the top ten of the best things ever according to me)
my left leg is permanently asleep in my quest to see EVERY movie that's ever been made...
***
i just saw The Prestige, and i think i said the same about The Illusionist, it makes me wish i was a creepy magician at the turn of the (previous) century. i'm interested now in finding out more about the production of these two movies. i mean they are similar in many, many ways. from subject matter, to release date, to incredibly hot actresses (scarlett johansson/ jessica biel) to ... well, to a whole bunch of other similarities, i'm sure.

There is one area where The Prestige certainly stands alone. Not only has Nikola Tesla finally been featured prominently in a story, but who is that playing Nikola Tesla?????

that's right- it's David Fucking Bowie! ! ! beat that , Illusionist.

class doesn't always beat trash...

It's all right. It's only grapefruit league baseball. I wish i could have seen this one, but apparently the YES (yankees entertainment and sports) Network has better things to do than broadcast Yankees games. I wanted to see Pavano pitch, I mean I think most homes were still on gaslight the last time this guy pitched in an actual game. I hear he did fine. We'll see.

20 days until the Yankees 2007 Championship Season opener...

are we still doing this???

the snow is slowly melting away. after months, it seems. and I'm spring cleaning. wearing windex as an aftershave. since they tore up the woods to make way for some new high power transmission lines all the wildlife has gone away. i saw some satellite pictures and it made me sad. when we were kids we were explorers . now it's gone. and they removed that black bridge that crossed over the parkway, how many drunk kids have urinated off that bridge onto the cars passing below??? that was the link that allowed the trail to go all the way to the lakefront. they've cut it all away. i hate being able to see the houses behind ours. they are strangers over there. they live in a different town. I've never trusted anyone from charlotte. almost as bad as someone from irondequoit. fucking creeps. but that's not what i was talking about. all the windows are open , it's a heat wave at 42 degrees. tonight is godfather 2. i watched number one this morning. I'm just looking for anything to fill time. i guess most people go to work. or something. i don't care what most people do. i never have. I'll fix this later***

and my day was just made. i was out back taking note of some patches of green showing through white on the lawn in shirtsleeves smoking cigarettes throwing snowballs at the fence when i realized something so fucking wonderful...

...birds. the sound of motherfucking birds. the tweety ones. the crows. sparrows (whatta' those sound like?). the call of geese(gooses) somewhere in formation, it's overcast so i can't quite see 'em, but that's awlright. the silence of this winter is broken. finally. time to move on.

...and i've been thinking about new hobbies. i'd love to take up fishing. if only fishing was something different than what fishing actually is. the whole bit with the pole and the string and the boat or the shore and the water, that's all fine with me, the peace and quiet and no real need for concentration or any real effort at all- perfect...
it's the fish part that i could live without. fish are fucking creeps- i mean if i could catch fish sticks, now then we'd have a deal...


*** i got the baseball mitts out. but there's no one to play catch with. the real brother james is in vegas and my imaginary friends don't have any arms...

this is when good things happen. i am out of negative thoughts...

this morning i can smell coffee. i haven't been able to smell anything in a long time. today is different. like something has to happen. daylight savings time is weeks early this year. I saw God's shadow on this world...

hungover doggies

i wont even bother with a month in review. at some point 8 days ago i crawled into a new drunken low, and i refuse to ever sober up or climb out again. for all the time i spend on reconstruction i find much more pleasure in tearing it all down again. and hiding. just booze. and madness. and silence. and since they found jesus that makes us all american jews. based on the fact that all americans are(were) christians, which they are(were), no matter how much they argue to the contrary. found out there is a south belmont road neighborhood association. who knew? also found out that all of the old loud buzzing and crackling transformer lines in the backyard are going to be replaced with new loud buzzing and crackling transformer lines. i've always been pretty sure that those lines have disrupted my head in some way. the winter has gotten the better of me. i should promise myself to never spend another winter here. but promises dont work. i'm going to spend another day or two in this new drunken low and come out on monday and try to scrape something back together...

Trust is like Glass

I was talking to a man about a lot of things today. I don't remember his name, he was European I think. We started talking about how George W. Bush was trying to get us all killed. He said an interesting thing, "My father told me, Trust is like glass, it keeps you from the cold and it keeps you safe, but once you break it...rebuilding trust would be just like piecing broken glass back together, possible....but."

Well, we broke the glass again as a country, thank you Hollywood for constantly rebuilding it with your heartwarming movies and blue jeans. It is truly a terrifying mistake to think a war based on greed had enough people fooled at the beginning, "What is worse is that they keep finding people from other countries like Sweden, places in Africa, even the American they found in Afghanistan," he said.

"It is like if we started playing volleyball in our suburbs, pretty soon everybody would join in, 'oh, you're playing volleyball, can we play?' You know we put up an advertisement for everybody that hates us to take a shot on a designated area that is Iraq." He was fuming now, I was trying to sell this guy a car by the way, but I couldn't help myself, I kept fueling his fire. It was good to see someone flip out like that.

That's a funny way of putting it-- War on terrorism is like volleyball on a sunday in the suburbs, trust is like glass.

just booze. and madness. and silence...

it's 32 degrees out today. close enough to spring for me. all the windows open. a hundred years of hibernation.

as i said...

... "over my big dead body"

i'll let skip finish the night. i'm off to shovel more snow.

(end the winter, someone)

Margaret - Tiger Rug /skip spence

It's Margaret, the daring songwriter

She's got muscles in her eyes

She's got everything going for her there

So take a ride on her pen, step inside

...

Well, there goes Margaret, the daring ice skater

She skates the truth on the ice

If she wasn't so daring and dashing

Her lips would be chapped at half the price

...

...

It appears I sent you off to treatment

With the tiger by the tail

If he could be free

He wouldn't have stripes on him, like jail

Jailer comes in twice a day

And feeds him a hunk of meat

That is just the same

As you get out upon the street

Jungle's home

Why isn't he free?

Just because his head is doesn't mean his limbs are

That can mean the same as the monkey on a tree...

I'm paying for something, this is some kind of debt for sure. I have memories that aren't from movies or from anything else I've ever seen. The problem is that it takes so long for me to turn my big fat mind around. Like those time lapse films where a city could rise and set a thousand times and I'm just getting ready to possibly consider it... I remember streets that people tell me I've been on, i can see the moss and the damaged trees, but only like it's being described to me. I don't actually have memories of anything. And since I've started keeping a calender where i physically cross off each day evrything only becomes more apparent, never any easier. If i could just claim bankruptcy on all of those former lives perhaps they'd let me move a bit quicker today. Sunday. Going to the movies, going to Tinseltown. I'll finish this up later...

a wake for a family member today. i didn't attend, but not because i don't care, it's just that i don't really have any connection with any of my extended family. I've been to a family picnic or two, years and years ago, but it seems there has never been any interest in this house about ...well about anything at all. i have cousins i haven't seen in years and a cousin or two i don't think I've ever met. i have an aunt that randomly shows up, and that's about it. a grandfather, now dead, that i never met. and another grandfather, now dead, that seemed like he was 100 when i was ten. it's all very disconnected. my father who just recently started talking to his mother again after years of silence and my mother who erases phone messages from her mother and pretends like she never got them. never wonder why i live in one corner of one room and am scared to walk to the end of the driveway... but at least i can never cut my brother and sister out like that. sure, we didn't all get together and like each other until we were in our twenties and needing to borrow money from each other, but that's what family is for....

i have my family. no matter how small and strange it is. and by the way can i borrow twenty, I'll pay you back next week when my..........

album of the week

Something / Anything Todd Rundgren

it's a mess but worth a couple of listens. some of it can make you cry. it's tugging on me today.

I'm pretty sure the only wake I'll ever attend is my own. goodnight...love you all.

The difference is...

I'm not fucking around anymore. If I spent a third as much time writing as I do thinking about writing I'd have completed a thousand manic volumes already. I'm not a kid anymore. And the useless feeling comes from within. The only way to change is through action. Version 2.0 promises absolutely nothing, but as the winter drags on I know something has got to give. Something new is being born. I'd love to have something better but i'll settle for something possible.

BARTLES AND JAMES 2.0 COMING SOON

St. Valentines Day

years of graveyard shiftwork and insomnia have ruined staying up all night for me. i fear i'll never have that feeling of being up at an odd hour again. it used to be something special. is there a cure for that. can i get my middle of the nights back?

***

Sure- life is a massacre. but today is a SNOW DAY!!! and i've been up about 36 hours now. i'm doing my best ta' hold onto this feeling. this is a great feeling. it's hard to embrace life when you live in a hole- but i try- and i try!!!

milk and bread???

The latest from wroc-tv's Scott Hetsko, founder of prince based meteorology and my personal hero, is that today's winter storm ranks a "7" on his "milk and bread-O-meter". This is a scale where 1=Finish What You Got and 10=Stock UP. I'm a bit confused by a ranking of 7. Should I interpret this as meaning I should finish some of what I Got and maybe stock up on a little bit more. Does the kind of bread make a difference? I can't drink regular milk, what about lactaid? Is this all I will need in case of a major weather emergency? It reminds me of KOIN6 in Portland, and their Rate The Day system. If they rated the day a "3" I would carry that feeling with me all day, quarter of seven and the day was already shot...Janet Lomax wouldn't give me this kind of shit, Kevin Williams doesn't fuck around... (but then again they don't measure snowfall in terms of miniature pop stars)

We Hardly Knew Ye

Well, I don't think it's funny when people die. And I don't think this is funny per say. Just weird really. Rumor is the son who killed himself is the father of her daughter... Sounds far off but "they" don't have a clue what the hell has transpired with this family.

Great cans, beautiful face, suspect brain skills, I will miss you Anna Nicole, you are an inspiration to many...growing up in a trailer, get famous, get rich, get to enjoy it for five years, then sit back in pergatory and watch other people fight over your money. Ah, the circle of litigation (life).

"sometimes i could just choke myself with laughter..."

*only thinking in small doses. no more chemicals. or alcohol. just a multi vitamin and a touch too much coffee.

**the empty and useless core of winter. the next couple of weeks are always the worst. not until april is the way i feel. with such a lack of chemicals in my system. i'll stay in bed just because being vertical frustrates me.

***but something told me my luck might change...

i've accomplished something without even noticing. and i feel better evryday.

****winning the world is the easy part. my problem has always been what next? earlier today i remembered my egyptian funeral. a hallucination that turned into something completely different.they put me on a boat and shipped me down the nile. how did i forget it. it wasn't a dream... that was how i won the world...i told myself i wouldn't forget those kinds of things. but i always do.

finally reached that empty core of winter. it's snowed about one-tenth of a prince already, and it's not even noon. i've been behaving and taking my vitamins. i've lost all inspiration...

****

from kucinich.us :

"I remember where I came from. My priority as President will be to create economic opportunities and prosperity, to rebuild America’s cities, to repair America’s neighborhoods, to restore America’s industry, to renew America’s schools, to reclaim America’s health. I will ask our Democratic Congress to pass a single-payer not for profit health care plan, Medicare for All, a Universal Pre-Kindergarten bill, a Rebuild America’s Infrastructure bill, and legislation to create a cabinet-level Department of Peace and Non-Violence, which takes Dr. King’s dream and makes it an everyday reality."

i like the idea of the cabinet department of peace and non- violence. i saw nader on the daily show last night and he is just creepy. was he that creepy in 2000??? i can't deal with 17 months of hillarys and obamas and bidens and all the rest of these con-artists. with these to pick from (if i would even vote) i'd vote for giuliani. thank god for Kucinich, and the only thing to keep my interest in any of this bullshit.

Clearing My Brain II

-Here at the Bartles and James Corporate offices I've been working on fun stuff to do. I keep a scale by the toilet. Before I have to take a bowel movement break, I weigh myself. Then after God's work is done I weigh myself again. This is quite possibly the most important work I have ever done!

-The Super Bowl was boring, but Prince is still heavily underrated in many categories of Entertainment. Interesting correlation here, Prince is from Minnesota and his favorite color is purple. The Minnesota Vikings have had purple uniforms since their inception. Anyway's great halftime show...best since Michael Jackson's like a decade ago.

-Tax time...I need money Uncle Sam, direct deposit motherfucka.

-You wouldn't believe what I do for a job these days, in fact I keep waiting for somebody to tell me to leave.

-Went to a great house-warming party the other night, house was great and all that, but the best part was that I got the chance to reconcile some hurt feelings with old roommates. That was a tough time for me and them, I'm glad we got drunk and hugged it out. I'm done living with good friends that shit never works out for me.

-DJ on Full House could have been a lot hotter, total snafu on the casting there. I don't care if she's Kirk Cameron's little sister...we are living in a different time I guess.

there really isn't any love around here. where is bartles? where is james? i used to like it here. let's get back to it...

watch THE SARAH SILVERMAN PROGRAM

cough syrup hallucinations and stubbed vaginas

because 6 out of 31 ain't bad...

I was aiming for a completely sober month. I'll accept this 6 out of 31 ratio as a modest success. I am in the early stages of another great reconstruction. I am always either climbing up or falling down. I never enjoy any time at the summit. No one ever does. Once you reach it you can plant your flag and snap a picture or two but the oxygen is way too thin up there. YOU HAVE TO COME DOWN. I was almost surprised by this calender. I've never had a ratio like this, at least not in the last seven years.
***
and i'm in an usually good mood today. even better, it's a calm and centered good mood. i just caught myself reading deepak chopra for christ's sake. i credit this mood to a request my father made of me this morning. he asked me if i might help him drag a couch outside to the curb for the garbage men in the morning. i thought, "fuck that!!! i'll do it myself", it's funner that way. there is something cathartic about throwing a couch off the front steps and dragging it through the snow. this was our cat's couch. she basically spent the last month of her little life camped out on the thing. not to mention the fact that the couch was 17 years old and just downright nasty. from this day forward evry morning will begin with the removal of some piece of furniture from this house. drink of the day: diet dr. pepper. i've said it before, and i'll say it again, any drink with phosphoric acid is a drink for me. translated: if it's good enough for institutional toilet cleansers then it's good enough for my guts....

***

not since elian gonzalez or my new years '99 y2k multicast have i been more excited by such a ridiculous news story. and thanks to these two jack-offs and their cringe-inducing press conference i finally have a name for my generation:

GENERATION DOUCHEBAG

thanks guys...