who gives a shit about the wbc?

the world baseball classic only seems like a place where valuable players might go and get injured. the only reason i have to watch is to see BERNIE BABY play for puerto rico. i wanna see if he still has it, yankees center field is still unmanned. it's time for him to knock off that ridiculous religious classical guitar shit he has been doing and return for one last season in pinstripes. i remember his first game way back when. he is my yankee, if you know what i mean.

This seems like an appropriate time to start the Bartles and James 2009 season

Read SI story here!!!

A-Fraud, A-Rod, enough already! I am sure A-Roid will be the next catch phrase to be overused.Can we trade him for Manny? How long before Manny's test results are made public, or Big Papi's???? Sooner rather than later i hope... 

and btw-sportswriting is easy, no one has an original thought. kind of like how everybody thought they were the first to name the Oklahoma City NBA team The Oklahoma City Bombers. 

Red Sox trumped in Teixeira stakes

That's three down,

now it's just:

Lowe, Sheets, Manny, And Pettitte to go!!!

(well, atleast an end of the rotation starter and someone who can play center field. damon is way too dicey. and it's going to be a couple of years before they put jeter out to pasture there...)

Sources: Yanks, Burnett reach 5-year, $82.5M deal

That's two down,

now it's just:

Lowe, Sheets, Tiexeira, Manny, And Pettitte to go!!!

(btw, is mike cameron really necessary??? c'mon. ya'll know better than that)

Sources: Yankees, Sabathia near deal

That's one down,

now it's just:

Burnett, Lowe, Sheets, Tiexeira, Manny, and Pettitte to go!!!

(btw- who's going to play center field???)

it may be time to pull down the bills 4-0 thing. what do i know. the pats did beat the bills last sunday 20-10 to make the bills 5-4 currently.

feel the awesomeness of that title....feel it. caress it. not too much there bro.

i like to remember that they were 4 and 0...

headlines

MUSSINA WINS 20!!!

BILLS GO 4-0!!!

FUNERAL AT SHEA

after careful deliberation

I have decided to support The L.A. Dodgers this postseason.

They got Manny (who went from being a fucking bum to being a brilliant ballplayer the moment he left the a.l. east)

and they got Torre (what else can you say)...

and I do not give a flying fuck about The Rays (a fluke), The Red Sox (who looked like a bunch of little bitches celebrating a wild card clinch), The Mets (fags), The Cubs (yawn), or The Angels The White Sox The Twins The Phillies or anyone else who may be in the playoffs this year.

It all comes down to excitement, and the prospect of Manny returning to Fenway in October is as exciting as it gets.

R.I.P.

sawx rool!

hey bummer about your team sucking. anyways i'm still limp over the explosion of my boyfriend's knee, tom brady's knee. kinda funny nobody really even cares the yankees suck, with the celtics winning into late june and the patriots, etc. well...things are just kinda occupied around here. anyways we broke the consecutive sellout record at fenway, big whoop.

bartles and james has reached absolute zero..

my friends do not exist

now what???

either The Yankees sweep or they may as well pack it up. 2 out of three won't do this time...

signs of the apocalypse

Pavano wins!

it's not mathematically impossible

but damon dropped two easy fly balls in center field. and the yankees could only score one run. and, but, and, but..... is pavano really starting saturday? are the yankees really only one game out of fourth place? they are actually inventing new ways to lose...

manny

hey man, they have like liquid acid out here homes! ever since i fly here i've been like seeing people faces melting off and shit. that's no joke bro. so anyways what's up since i left? hey amigo i here that japanese dude is like coming back and shit? i always thought japanese were retarded mexicans but i just found out it's like it's whole own thing! well good luck making the playoffs amigos!

i am really not sure why i continue to punish myself daily by watching this yankee team lose. i guess my only consolation is that the red sox are definitely not a championship team this year.

world series prediction = diamondbacks v. angels (and who gives a shit) angels win in 5

As a Yankee fan

I will never admit defeat until the first week of October, but there comes a time when all sports fans have to be realistic about their teams current situation. Last night was the first Yankee game I have failed to watch all season. I woke up around 1am and they were losing, no surprise, so I changed the channel and found myself captivated by the gold medal round of women's 10m air rifle. I am seriously considering only watching games in which Mussina pitches, Mussina being the only Yankee who has a chance of winning any award this season. 162 games is such a huge investment of time, and it is a waste to watch loss after loss by a team that has spent close to 2 billion dollars in payroll over the last 8 years and has nothing much to show for it. A Cy Young for Mussina would be impressive, and with 15 wins so far at 39 years old you can't deny that he stands a chance of winning it. (i'll probably keep my eye on Ponson. i love any pitcher who gets a dwi and then starts a fight with an Aruban judge during sentencing...)

it's like watching your girlfriend do some other guy

i've always felt the need, or desire, that i should have a national league team to rout for. back when the yankees ripped my heart out in october 03 and wakefield walked towards the dugout, i swore off the sox for one week. i was an expos fan, hardcore. montreal is only slightly farther than boston, it seemed perfect. than montreal moved to washington...and the sox won my heart back with the schilling trade.

i've always liked the dodgers uniforms. the nationals have a cool stadium and they suck, which believe it or not is a bonus in my decision. and then there is the cubs, the lovable losers. cool stadium and red sox fans and cubs have always had this cousin-like relationship, however they too are very good...the bandwagon factor can not be too emphasized here. i don't like it.

anyways i'm still not sure, but if manny stays in la it might swing my vote and if he leaves it might swing my vote. but i'll be watching no doubt a world series match-up with either the cubs or dodgers would be cool.

hollywood deserve me

I haven't decided how i feel about this trade yet... although, i never liked farnsworth in a big game.

JOBA wins, but Baltimore won 2 popping the Yankee balloon...

Angels up next, and that idea scares me just a bit.

ABSOLUTE DOMINATION pt.2

WHAT MORE CAN I SAY?

MANNY IS A REAL FUCKING PROBLEM, BUT NOT FOR THE YANKEES.

Dámaso Marte!!! welcome to yankees universe

&

how about this fucking guy waking up in a huge way

CANO .514 in the last 8 undefeated games!!!

Sunday Prediction: The Yankees can win with Ponson on the mound as long as they score at least 17 runs. It's not impossible... They already got the series but a sweep would be so fucking sweet.

ABSOLUTE DOMINATION

JOBA FUCKING RULES!!!

GIAMBI'S STACHE KEEPS GETTING DARKER!!!

MARIANO IS KING!!!

and did i mention Xavier Nady and Dámaso Marte are on their way!!!

1 down - 2 to go!!! ( and that is 7 in a row)

live at fenway

a delayed start ot live bloggin due to relationhip issues. we apologize for the delay.

7:19 the moustache is looking good. oh snap beckett punches him out. just proving that two world series rings trumps one steroid aided mvp trophy.

7:23 jobs'a no-hitter breaks up rather early and...wait a minute.....that's big papi's music.....high hopes for this at bat.

7:29 pedroia never fails to make me proud, great steal in the wake of a great strikeout by joba

7:30 now comes the long awaited youk-joba reunion, spine chills...not really. you know minus posada, matsui, damon, sheffield. these guys don't scare me. nice pitch by joba...he's on fire! the way he's headed he might get 7 wins this year!

7:39 beckett doesn't look sharp, at all. more and more it seems francona puts ellsbury in left, with coco in center. with manny's contract being a team option and such good fielders already under contract. i don't know, it makes manny's departure seem somewhat of a foregone conclusion.

7:51 oh damon's in the game! we have a duel folks.

8:12 joba is lighting us up, oh and tek nails miguel. 3 hits, yikes!

8:30-something: varitek simply cannot hit all-star pitching anymore aka breaking balls if you want to call that all-star pitching

9:05 (i had a visitor, thus the delay) we still have a duel. it all seems to hinge on that giambi shift, which i hate, especially when runners are on.

9:09 by the way, the home plate umpire seems to be blatantly prefering high strikes, to the sox disadvantage.

9:10 can't wait for the jeter/farve-like fallout, i wish it would start right now. nothing would please me more than five million yankee fans self-abusing themselves over derek's demise.

9:16 !!!!!!!!!and joba gets his comeupence, nails youk? what? doesn't nail youk? i'm confused. seemed to hit youk but it's 3-0...now it's 2-2....and youk strikes out that is a classic what the fuck at bat. joba is surely turning it up a notch. mariano looms in the distance.


9:24 oh no! i mean yea! it's.... it's javier lopez (god, he sucks half the time) oh no. i mean, yea! he gets the one guy he faces out. and thus starts the chess game. a new pitcher in. it's time like these i miss torre, francona and torre could stretch out a "normal" game at least 20 min with pitching substitutions. i'm not sure if girardi gets that yet.

9:30 delcarmen! with the arod strikeout! that's weird because normally arod is SO clutch? i guess even the greatest have their bad days. and....bye bye manny delcarmen, some sort of hangnail injury no doubt. i wasn't joking about the time difference of a normal game and this.


9:37 oki gets giambino averts widespread depression in new england. film @ 11.

9:46 coco...the baserunning pacifist

9:52 don't get too cocky yankman...eeesh ellsbury caught looking.

9:54 fuuuuuuuuuuuuck, pedroia on a squiber to sandman strands two in the 8th, that's the game. i imagine papelbon os due to arrive? nope oki.

10:00 oki looks competent tonight, gets the job done...sweet

10:05 bottom 9th youk reaches 1 out after ortiz fly, lowell up, drew next

10:10 oh and lowell (the unofficial team captain) gets tossed. 2 outs. and jd strikes out in 2 seconds. yanks are back in the mix.

This is going to be a good one!

The Red Sox and The Rays both had a chance to put The Yankees away early, but they failed. Now they are dealing with a 2nd half team that has so much tradition and a million ghosts behind it. This is going to be a good one. to be continued on Friday... (and hopefully bartles can deal with some actual facts and stats before he posts his complete nonsense)

Official Weekend Prediction

1. Joba throws at or over Youklis' bald fucking head at least 2 times.

2. Ponson picks up at least 2 d.u.i's in Boston

3. Yankees SWEEP!!!

obligatory thursday japanese athlete posting

oh mister cashman, i rearry tink i need to take the year off. aw don't be said, smire! i can spend time with my girfriend. i drew a picture of her. she is beautifur. i tink i may retire...now i'm just being sirry. we are regestered at oscar de ra renta by the way, hint hint.

p.s. brother james: fuck you and your dreams of a yankee pennant

just getting started

hmmm, 6-0 since the break.

Mussina wins his 13th.

evrybody getting big hits.

boston this weekend.

1st place soon enough!!!

it's a mixed up crazy world we're livin' in.

manny: amigo, can we go to material girl's house after this? i've got lot like a "lucky star" i need to show her, comprende?

arod-icus: your crossing the "borderline" manny.

manny: good one bro, but seriously, big papi told me to ask for him too. hey man, you got any like used condoms you no using anymore.

arod-icus: .......

manny: whatever, ese.

how was your weekend?

Yankees sweep. bosox get swept. A fine weekend. The Red Sox look awful and ready for fourth place in the a.l. east. The Yankees seem primed and ready for a brilliant 2nd half and 27th world championship, get on board...

Manny will be a Yankee in 2009.

i don't like it, not one bit

I had a very bad reaction to the home run derby last night, it felt like Yankee Stadium was being violated and I went to bed sick to my stomach.

struggling for a split

Mussina won his eleventh, which really could have been his 13th or 14th. He really has been THAT good and deserves to be on the all star team. The rest of the team is just a mess, a mixture of old timers and triple A stars of tomorrow. It is incredibly frustrating to follow, and Mariano didn't make it any better on Saturday, but the real problem is that you can't pitch him once a week and expect him to look sharp. So tonight we have a Boston old timer going against another Yankees triple A star of tomorrow. We'll see...

(atleast they found out how to pitch to manny)

i think we know who the real evil is this weekend.

look at him...fucking loser

here we go again...

I could hardly recognize Tropicana Field last night, for several reasons. The first being that there were actually fans in the seats and, secondly, because the team on the field was making the Red Sox look stupid, with the brooms out.
On the other hand, I certainly could recognize The Yankees last night, losing a string of easy games and then scoring all their runs in one fucking inning. You should never be excited by defeating the fucking Rangers.

So here we go again. Fourth of July weekend. Same old Sox vs. Yankees. Except something is very, very wrong. Who's in first place? Who is looking convincing in first place? Not The Sox, not The Yankees. The Fucking Rays, and the new rivalry formula truly is X. Vs. Rays.

For this series I have no expectations. Probably a split. We'll see...

R.I.P.

Happy Retirement, Schill! Now you'll have even more time to sit around painting socks...(psssst... wanna be a yankee??)

seven is even better.

6 in a row ain't bad.

Sydney Ponson? seriously?? again?????

maybe Pavano isn't really too far out of the question...

there is no fucking way i am going to allow that.

10 Mother Fucking Wins

manny

youk is driving me loco amigos, first he like wipe my glove on his butt 'cause me and lugo we're stealing gatorades then i see him like disrespecting my dreads, j'know.

hey homes, looks like we in the ohio or something. it means like "good weed" in indian or something. why can't people just speaca de english? i just started dating this chick named amy winehouse bro, we slept in a dumpster last night. i tink i love her amigo.

looks like they keep the gatorade, like, out in the open in ohio too! white people are stupid homes. me and lugo been selling this gatorade to kids for like a lot of money.

Mariano Rivera makes grown men look stupid,
Mariano Rivera makes grown men look weak.

Mariano Rivera is a supernatural force.

what a mess...

Pettitte gave up 10 runs and Mariano gave up a home run, but the Yankees did not lose. Damon went 6 for 6 with a ninth inning walk off double. What more can I say, "what a mess..."

(devil) Rays v. Red Sox

Anyone who saw Wednesday's game knew that this was coming Thursday night. I love that post game interview with Coco calling the Rays a bunch of little girls. He's ready for another round. (btw- Shields, you need to connect if you are going to take a swing like that. I am convinced Coco spent a couple hours in the ring sparring before this game)

As a Yankee fan I couldn't be more pleased. I can just sit back, relax, and watch these two teams destroy each other. Or even better, I can watch these Red Sox self destruct. How many Red Sox injuries were there on Thursday night, or even in the last week? What about that bitch fight between Manny and that bald fucker Youkilis in the dugout? That can't be good...

I prefer walk off pinch hit homers for my team. This should be a good Yankee weekend. Summer is here. Four versus the Royals in the Bronx. Not to mention that Posada is back. Now it is time to get serious and remind the A.L. East of who is really in charge.

A Moose is loose in the Bronx- but the Yankees are still sub .500

HOLY SHIT! the yankee bullpen didn't implode tonight. Mussina pitched six masterful innings. some other clowns came out and didn't shit their pants, and Mariano had to come out in a non save situation just to run the mop and make sure that a win is a Win. 9 wins for the moose. yankee ace, by the way... (his 9th win of 2007 came in september). and he didn't look like an old man at all, this was a great performance.
Jeter also passed Mantle on the Yankees hit list, he is a living legend along the lines of gehrig and mantle and dimaggio. it's like watching history. beleive it.


in other news: Coco Crisp is going to get hit in his face tomorrow. I'll yell "DUCK" now...

From the Desk of Brother Bartles: on pitching

Well I think we are about a 1/2 game out of first place at first pitch tonight.

A few notable notes from Brother Bartles:

Our young pitching: Has vastly surprised nobody. We knew Lester was going to be a big time pitcher when he started off 4-0 in mid-'06, he just had a few bumps in the road. Bucholtz looks to have more potential than even Lester! Only problem is that he doesn't seem as durable. Oh, we should mention Papelbon, he's been around since mid-'05 and been getting paid less than a million a year to be our lights out man, he's completely taken for granted. Delcarmen has been steady in the bullpen. And lastly Masterson looks to be a top 3 starter someday, he's just so good you hardly notice he isn't giving up any runs.

As for the older guys: Wakefield, jeez I feel like one day i'll bring my first born to see him pitch and this hypothetical kid hasn't even been born yet. Schill, who cares really...just retire dude but really thanks for the memories...you're the man...now go away. BARTOLO COLON! former cy young winner, signed to a minor league contract during spring training. That was a Cashman-like signing if there ever was one. Timlin, every time we say he's done there he is in the playoffs killing innings.

Prime years pitchers: Beckett, god, I hope we re-sign but he is going to make a disgusting amount of money if he stays healthy. Dice-K, what's he like 8-0 and on the DL? I'll take that...he hasn't been the force of nature we thought he would be, but he hasn't exactly struggled either.

not mentioned: craig hansen (horseshit), javier lopez (good young lefty reliver), david aardsma (who throws 100mph!) hideki okajima (anyone seen this guy lately?)

fucking fuck shit with these joba rules...

WHAT THE FUCK! this isn't spring fucking training. somehow the yankees got ass fucked by judge reinhold and ended up trading places with the tampa bay fucking rays. it just goes to show that sometimes payroll has nothing to do with a winning baseball team. the horror- the fucking shitting fred savage mother fucking horror... fuck these joba fucking rules and fuck you 2 and a third fucking innings....and then you bring in another fucking kid who has never pitched in a major league fucking game? are you fucking serious? are you shitting me? or shitting on me? is there anyone in that bullpen besides fucking mariano who can pitch a cunt sucking inning??? why not make mariano a fucking starter??? is goose gossage still alive??? what the fuck! i never thought i'd ever be happy to see mussina on the mound, even though he can only manage five pussy assed innings per start...which one of those cock smoking assholes is going to give up a lead tonight??? fuck it. what can you buy for 218 million these days? obviously not as much as you can buy for 44 million. perhaps i am getting a bit heated about this... i'm gonna' go listen to some zappa and try to relax.

Yes, It's True!!!

Matsui is leading the league in batting avg...

Mussina is tied for the league lead in games won...

and Joba starts Tuesday...

manny/499

hey homes you hear i like de 499 or someting? that's cool but what number comes next? sometimes when we like on de road, jknow?, i eat the hot dogs in the trash after the game. my favorite dugout to sleep in like kansas city, cause they don't have any bugs. de janitor there is named eh, hector. he's a good guy. hey man, seattle is like far away bro we had to take the silver bird again.

since the loss of gary sheffield yankees 75% less scary

oh, they are scary . believe me.

Signs Of Life

A.L. East - Run and Hide

Arod has hit 3 homeruns in his first 2 games back. (despite what the umpires called).
Joba is being transitioned into a starter.
Rasner has won his 3rd start in a row.
Yankees domination is always just around the corner...

when you were young and your heart was an open book, you used to say...

here's a link about the yankees, i didn't really read it but i saw a picture of giambi wearing a gold thong, so i figured hey...this looks cool.

http://www.withleather.com/?start=6

yankee spirit?

it is getting rather difficult to watch most of these games. i don't have much more to say. where is the spirit? where is the spark, the yankee magic that i remember?

sweep!

A pretty damn good Yankee weekend. Wang, Mussina, and Rasner all get wins, holding The Mariners to 4 runs over 3 games. Thankfully, Kennedy is sent back to AAA. Bats are finally making contact with the ball. Finally, a series of games that I didn't have to get angry while watching. Good times, good times...

youk gets 4 rbi's, rays like lose or something

Dude I told you that chick was crazy, so she ties you up and starts whipping you? thats fucked up.

hughes sidelined with mysterious burning in his chest, in a related story johan santan goes 31-2 on the season, says psychic.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Your 2008 New York Yankees!

14-14 on the last day of April, Posada and ARod on the 15 day dl, Two rookie pitchers who have yet to win, or even come close to winning a game, a different line up for every game of the season so far... the good news: Wang is 5-0, Rivera has 8 saves in 8 save opportunities with a 0.00 era, and the new Steinbrenner is just as crazy as the old one. On this date last year they were 10-14. I've been watching most games with my hands over my eyes.

Muss is done, Ben Gay deal announced

Hey man, you ever like give your dog peanut butter and watch him lick it up? You ever like put it on your dong man? Hey bro we just got swept, ok?

it is too early in the season for any kind of in depth analysis, but what i can say is: Joba is scary, Joba plus Mariano is frightening. if the yankees can patch together 6 or 7 innings from anyone else ( and STOP pitching to manny) they will win yet again in the a.l. east...

Yanks win one, Sox win one...slight interest ensues...

It's crazy j'know? It must be my sixth digit or something bro, I don't know you be better to ask someone that knows toes. I just 'it de ball man.

For how many years have I been repeating the same thing: DO NOT PITCH TO MANNY!!!
and if you ever wanted to see the effects of a sudden withdrawal from steroids just take a look at David Ortiz, what a mess... Game 3 tonight!!!




Yanks unearth Sox jersey at new stadium
By KAREN MATTHEWS, Associated Press Writer

NEW YORK - So much for the curse. The New York Yankees have ended a construction worker's attempt to jinx their new stadium with a buried Boston Red Sox jersey.

Team officials watched Sunday as construction workers removed the jersey, with slugger David Ortiz's name on it, from 2 feet of concrete in a service corridor of the stadium that's under construction.

The team says a construction worker — who is a Red Sox fan — recently buried the jersey there while on the job. Two other supervisors found the tattered shirt Saturday.

The Yankees plan to donate the jersey to charity, and may pursue a lawsuit against the construction worker.

Girardi is a genius. Start with the bullpen and then go to your starter in the sixth inning of a game that you are losing. I love that Girardi was trying to out-smart the weather. Why didn't Kansas City have any of these problems with their pitching? Girardi has balls. I just wish he would start A-Rod at shortstop while Jeter is out, but we all know that would be a mortal sin. It's time to wake this team up before they go to Boston on Friday night. Maybe Mariano will start tonight?

A Golden Fenway Moment

Considering it was snowing last week, i'd the say baseball gods were quite kind to give us 55 and sunny for the ceremony that never gets old. Can't help but feel lucky that i was unemployed at the time since the games start at 2 in the morning. hey selig fuck you.

Week One

The best thing I've seen all week is the Chien Ming Wang + Joba Chamberlin + Mariano Rivera "lights out" combination. I saw it twice. Besides that, I've seen Toronto having a bit of fun along with Tampa Bay.It won't last. Men are getting paid millions of dollars to hit a fucking ball and they just aren't doing it, but it's only week one.

skydome made of poop, sox swept

hey brother james. we should catch a weekend game up in canada, don't suppose you ass has a passport? oh well ask george if wants to go, i saw don mattingly at an aa meeting yesterday. getting a blow job from a moustache kinda tickles/

Sox swept in toronto, yanks swept in tampa? at home? did they win one? we're not very good at this.

This is a picture from my inside my brain while searching for porn on the internet.

OPENING DAY, again...

Yankees win, of course. underrated Wang and Joba rules and the one and only Mariano. my only problem is Girardi and his cheekful of fucking copenhagen. i wouldn't be so concerned if i had not seen the tin over his shoulder on the dug out bench and spent the entire game fixated on his fucking chaw. i always thought Torre and his fucking green tea was a little bit ridiculous but chewing tobacco is nasty, and this is coming from someone who has had a lot of nasty habits. hopefully someone tells him to keep the tin and his spit cup out of the camera shot so i can concentrate more on the game.

Opening Day

Bush getting booed in D.C. is awesome.

Cubs v. Brewers was awesome.

L.A. Dodgers are the team to watch.

Yankees rain out sucks, but so does baseball in March.

more games to watch, gotta' go!!!

here it is the big day

we got rain in chicago, sun in LA & about 2 feet of snow in my yard......play ball!

oh, that's weird it's still spring training, mind if i take off my shirt?

This is either a map of my rape and pillaging in the old college days or it's facilites of baseball teams in florida. hey i would totally move to florida if it wasn't going to disappear in my lifetime. let's see this house is five feet above sea-level you say? hmm that sounds like a good lifetime investment, sold! nha, just kidding i don't believe that. 100 years from now though? possible. anyways hurray baseball in florida!

Here Comes The Sun

I have no idea why playing in Japan is necessary, but when i woke up at 6 this morning and turned on espn2 i officially declared it the end of winter. Finally , games that matter. Regular season baseball is back and the world's greatest team will be opening their season on monday, in America...

6:05 A.M.

in less than 12 hours Bartles and James will be back in business...

Manny

Hey homes! It's me Manny. Hey Homes I'm in this dome, in like Japan ju'know? Maybe we play good maybe we don't, I don't care. We don't want to eat de cake before the birthday ju'know? Hey excuse me homes I tought I 'it that ball over the fence, Manny needs to run now ju'know?

at least he's not in Boston...

Hey Noto! Come Join my Reader's Digest/Beard Cult

it's funny when the best player in baseball signs a new contract with your team and you are disappointed about it.