teacher v. student

There is nothing i enjoy more in baseball than a pitching duel, but evrytime i expect one i never get it. the problem here is i have to get one tonight, Halladay v. Burnett, because look at this fucking line up that The Yankees are crapping out onto the field tonight, i mean, seriously, what kind of Yankee line up is this to throw up against motherfucking Halladay??? yesterday was an off day,and i was relaxed, but at 5 this evening my blood is already boiling. fuck me in advance......

seriously, gardner leading off??? (are we going to the dl, jeter? probably...) and then you have melky (no swisher?) kevin fucking cash (who?) and the kid pena at the bottom of the order. i've seen scranton teams stronger than this, i mean, this IS half of the scranton line up..... it's either an idiot or an old man at every position, take your pick with this fucking team. as long as burnett pitches 9 scoreless innings, i think the yankees have a slight chance................................

7:44 pm- so far, so good. no hits through three innings, for both teams. shit, it's already the 4th inning- a half hour into the game. i can get behind that!

8:08 pm- Burnett has his nervous breakdown inning, he has one evry start, and gives up three runs. uh- oh, Swisher is pinch hitting for Matsui in the 5th, word is it's a hamstring pull for Matsui, say hi to posada and molina and wang and marte and bruney and nady and ransom and whoever else is on the DL this week. how weird is it to see fans in the upper decks of the skydome? and how much of an asshole is that guy who blows an air horn before burnett releases every single pitch??? fucking canadians, just because there are no canadian teams in the nhl playoffs , doesn't mean you have to ruin my fucking sport... i wish i had a passport, i'd love to run up to toronto and catch a game, tickets are still as cheap as $12 a game up there.

9:29 pm- well, Halladay steamrolled The Yankees. no surprise. the good news is that this game was just a touch over two hours long. the bad news is that if toronto keeps winning, halladay won't be sold off to The Yankees. but as far as time is concerned, this is how baseball should be.quicker... 162 games at about 2 - 2 1/2 hours each is tolerable. Skydome (or whatever it is now) was fucking rocking tonight, over 43,000 fans is impressive for them. impressive for anyone, this year. used to be a time when toronto and baltimore and tampa bay were second homes to The Yankees, but those band wagon fans in every city have finally decided they might as well support their own home teams- it can't get any worse than supporting The Yankees.....

state of everything

[sunday night]

shit is awesome today. big baby hits a game winning shot then knocks over a kid in a 1500 dollar seat (they tied 2-2 now), papelbon turns on the playoff afterburners and helps the sox take 2/3 from the deadly rays, and the bruins win the game on a channel nobody has around here...but everyone gave up on them (they down 3-2 now).

needless to say i watched that highlight of big baby knock over that kid like ten times...i was laughing so hard i couldn't sleep until like 1am (five hours sleep is like my number one pet peeve...i get straight up homicidal with any less than that) plus i killed a spider that was very fast, agile and large at the same time. so let's re-cap, my adrenaline is pumping like a toddler feasting on sugar dip sticks as i'm watching the closing seconds, big baby then drills the shot, knocks over kid, i kill spider, consume a few lemonciello's.

ok now that that story is out of the way....

[manny]

"i'm very disappointed in you manny.......(looking at manny very harshly, like angry parent) manny you let a lot people down you know? look at me....look at me manny. why are you crying? manny...you made a big mistake amigo...comprende? manny you're gonna' regret this....i'm sorry manny. manny i'm sorry too. I know you're sorry manny. go to your room manny and for god sakes clean out all that stuff manny, you hear me? ok bye."

that is my vision of what an interaction with me and manny would be like if we lived together and i heard about the steriod thing but i was on vacation with my thai boyfreind at the time so we had to talk via webcam. if i was kind of like a george clooney type with lots frequent flier miles, but i was kind of like a big brother to him, that seems clear enough in the dialouge right?

[red sox]

strangely our starting pitching is in the lower tier in the mlb but as expected out middle and late relief is stacked and being managed very effectively. big papi seems to be conflicted on being the old big papi or hitting it off the green monster (which he should do, but last time i checked they don't have a green monster in every ballpark) and big papi seems all the more conflicted cause the canadian white boy jason bay hitting behind him is on fire!

[pedrioa, youk]

looked like a groin pull last night...that will linger all season....shit. youk hurt too? WTF?

[lugo]

the good news: he's hitting well (wow that's great news)
the bad news: he's fielding about as well as i would expect to field if i were playing (eesh that's kind of humiliating) yeah he looks humiliated out there.

alright brother james i'm out, i'm trying to keep up.

AROD, CC, & i love steroids

first at bat : 3 run motherfucking home run on the first pitch he has seen this year

& CC pitched a 4 hit complete game shut out.

& thank christ, this game was only 2 hours an 32 minutes long. which means that the pre and post game are actually longer than the game itself... 

this is how opening day in Baltimore should have been...

and swisher followed up his falling off the wall onto his ass after high fiving a fan spectacle last night by getting picked off of third because he was busy talking to the third base coach tonight. he beat the tag but was called out because the third base coach (robbie thompson) actually shoved him in the direction of the base when he saw that swisher was about to be picked off. that shit is funny in a win, i guess.

quote of the day

Francesa was discussing how Mariano's career will end:

"i mean, this guy can't go on forever. What, what do you think, he's just going to pitch forever? Or is he one day just going to disappear in a puff of smoke???"

I love that visual, one day Mariano Rivera is on the mound and poof! he just vanishes into thin air...

if it's not one thing, it's another

• now we're back to this bullshit where everything is a fucking homerun. jesus christ! who needs steroids when you got the new yankee stadium? (is it possible they built this place for a post-steroid AROD?) and if you had $2500 just laying around, would you spend it to see this motherfucking nightmare of a team? i think i counted 8 homeruns in this one.... $2500 for batting practice, really.
  

• and where did molina go? both catchers on the DL is going to be very, very bad. what do you think, Yogi- time for a comeback?

• i love this fantasy that an over payed, admitted steroid using, certified nutcase is going to come back tomorrow and save this season. how? by hitting into clutch double plays??? 

• as i've said before- i'm gonna' go watch me some of The LeBron James, the only drug they is taking is AWESOMENESS. that, and probably some pot... The LeBron James remind me of the late 90's Yankees, they effortlessly win games with no need for throat elbows and overall chippiness. championship guaranteed...

• Yankees, will you please do something to make me stop hating you? you are breaking my little boy heart. can't you all just win a game???? (and as i wish this, Mariano is giving up back to back homeruns to crawford and longoria. a wise man (certainly a wise ass) recently said to me : "one of these days Mariano is going to reach back for that cutter and just come up with a bowl of jello", tonight i understand that statement all too well. maybe i'll take the rest of the season off, it's not good for my blood pressure or my sanity...) this is their first 5 game losing streak in several years, even last year they didn't lose five in a row. this was the rotation i looked at and couldn't possibly conceive of how they could ever go on any extended losing streak. it looked impossible. perhaps i'll keep tuning in just to see "what next?"- we all know how much i love train wrecks, shipwrecks, plane crashes, and general mayhem and destruction. time for bed, it's been a long day.

breaking news

http://www.latimes.com/sports/la-spw-manny-statement8-2009may08,0,5773112.story

manny is a cheater...

my money was on medical marijuanna, that would probably be the only thing i'd excuse, but it looks like it's these drugs that grow your nuts back after a steroid cycle.

 i want 2004 and 2007 back right now, red sox!!!!!!!!!

as far as i'm concerned all red sox championships are now null and void,

yankees win theeeeeeeeeeeeeee YANKEES WIN!!!

(now that's a fucking unreasonable statement)

btw- arod's back friday, ha ha ha!

BARTLES AND JAMES CLASSIC (aka: the fucking shitting fred savage mother fucking horror)

last night was almost a great game, but it turned out to be a really shitty game against the rays. so, for today's installment of bj classics let's return to june 4th, 2008, and realize that nothing much has changed. btw- is there any chance of getting mussina back??? i don't even know how they would use him, i just happen to like him. fuck, if smoltz and johnson and moyer are still out there, i'm sure mussina could be of some use... now i know how red sox fans felt for all of those fucking years.

click here to travel through time

a must win?

earlier: i guess it wasn't 12 - 4 Yankees after all. one thing we do know, the red sox are cheaters, and girardi should have smacked whoever their first base coach is. and he should have smacked the corrupt (probably new englander) umpire. 

5:17pm:  who is it? backett v. JOBA? who's next on the dl, jorge? he went for an mri today. is it raining? a caller to Francesa's show just called all of those empty, oversized, and overpriced seats at the stadium: "the yankee horseshoe of greed". that's right. and they don't let kids in stands during batting practice to grab home run balls or attempt to get autographs. there is a serious disconnect when you decide to market to bankers and investors  instead of working class baseball fans. i propose that the red sox move to manhattan and rename themselves the "New, New York Yankees" or the New Amsterdam's, i'd jump right on that ship. if the red sox tried to build a new fenway with $2500 seats, and turn the green monster into a green monster sized hd scoreboard, the red sox fans would burn the fawking place down. it's too early in the season to be hopeless, i know, but how many years can you fail with this free agent fall on your face formula before you realize that it just doesn't work. the yankees have to win one. please.... gimme' something to cheer about. keep me awake past nine pm....

5:44pm: Jorge Posada, welcome to the DL. be sure to give our regards to damaso marte, cody ransom, brian bruney, chien ming wang, xavier nady, and arod rodriguez... jesus. can we have 40 days of rain? or something? how about a strike year? pretty please??? (atleast youkluss and pappillbon are out of tonight's game as well...)

7:21pm: is it possible to move Joba to the bullpen tonight? because the way he has started this game the bullpen is going to need all the help they can get. speaking of such, i have to go relieve myself. gotta' go...

8:19pm: oh, shit! Joba strikes out the side! someone must have told him between innings that he would start losing endorsement deals if he didn't go out there and throw some fucking strikes. i have never seen someone become a legend so quick without really doing anything to earn it.

9:02pm: 12 strikeouts for Joba, 8 in a row, and that's when Girardi decides to take him out. joba rules. fucking let him get the third out of the inning. 8 in a row, joe. who are you going to bring in? veras? the yankee crowd was simultaneously booing girardi and giving Joba a standing ovation, fantastic.YES put up an interesting stat which showed that since Joba became a starter, june 10th of last year, Joba has the sixth best e.r.a. in the major leagues among starting pitchers. hmmm... i might be beginning to rethink my joba "back to the pen" theory, even though he is on an innings limit this year that will force him to be there in august anyways. Joba rules..... (last yankee to strikeout 12 in a game- mussina in 2003)

10:07pm: another bullpen meltdown and all of girardi's pitching changes amount to nothing more than trading crap for shit...

10:38pm: thank you melancon for proving my point. it was a 3 run game and you did a fine job of walking those bases loaded with no outs. i love that the "we want swisher" chant is still going strong. ken singleton is very observant as he says: "boy, they sure do play some long games." and i don't care how many times you plug it, I WILL NOT tune in after the post game to catch bernie william's concert from the nokia theater.

10:56pm: yankees lose 7-3. strange in a yankees/red sox game, that was by no means a blowout, to see a completely empty stadium at the end. sad, really... is there any brett favre news? i don't want to die inside anymore..................................

neglecting my responsibilities

i guess the whole point of this is to document yankees/red sox games. last night there was rain in the bronx, and i got through about two and a half Yankeeographies before i fell asleep. i woke up around one in the morning and there was a game on, i don't know if it was live or already a Yankee Encore, and i didn't stay awake long enough to figure it out.... so let's just say that Yankees win 12 - 4, that sounds reasonable. i'll try and stay awake this evening, but the yankees are just so fucking boring so far this spring and mixed with a 2 and a half hour rain delay, that is a perfect sleeping situation.

( i searched for yankees asleep and this is what i got...)

i guess 1.5 billion does not buy you a retractable roof...

yankees rainout. good. they need the rest. marte to the dl. good. he needs to disappear. hopefully the yankees took extra "throwing at ellsbury's head" practice. 

in other thank god tbs doesn't show the braves anymore but instead shows interesting games on sunday afternoon news: holy shit! carl crawford ran all over the red sox. made them look like fucking chumpolas. i say "bring 'em on!!!". sox v. YANKEES on monday night. unless it rains..... couldn't they have just built another stadium beneath this one??? or tack a very large tarp over top of the old yankee stadium??? i guess it's all good as long as you don't build it out of the materials the dallas cowboys use, that shit was nutz.....

Mine That Bird

first off, let's just say, i love long shots- but i never bet 'em. from now on i have a new NBC Sob Story betting theory, it works for the olympics, most superbowls, and the kentucky derby. it is basically the fact that whatever dramatic bio piece NBC does on an athlete or an animal is pretty much the key to who is going to win. NBC always gets it's storyline (i'm looking at you, obama), and they certainly got theirs today with that $9500.00 dollarstore horse and that cowboy on the crutches who drove the horse from new mexico while three other horses in the race took private jets from dubai. thankfully, no horses died in the process (atleast none they are reporting/ r.i.p. eight belles). if you had the superfecta you are a fucking millionaire and about to be struck by lightning, seriously... (btw- i think jockeys really are large leprechauns)

in other sports news: i am sick of the yankees formula of  starters going one inning too many + a bullpen breakdown + a late inning rally = a loss almost always. i've seen it about 20 times already this fucking season. how many more to go, 135???

and somehow i feel obligated to watch this bulls/ celts game 7. i have invested too much time to ignore it, and i have already seen tonight's episode of cops (i don't care if it says it's a new episode, i think we've all seen it...)

i don't have any opiates, but i understand the dead flower feeling as i'm dining this evening on swordfish kabobs and some nasty mountain wine:

"Well when you're sitting back in your rose pink Cadillac 

Making bets on Kentucky Derby Day 

 I'll be in my basement room with a needle and a spoon 

And another girl to take my pain away "

sox and rays in boring tamps live blog.

7:17 pm for some reason jerry remy is not on the air for the second day in a row since I got home....where the hell is jerry remy? I demand a scrolling update

7:18 pm jd drew starting to heat up indeeed buck martinez. hustle on youk is incredible...he's so pissed he didn't win mvp last year ....he wants it this year it's so obvious.

7:22 pm celts-bulls looming..game 7. wow kapler hitting .219, not the bat they wanted.

7:23 pm wake...my prediction, I think he will be ice cold....even though he's money in domes. bj upton ain't so nasty this early. he was money in the playoffs.

7:26 pm longoria is an mvp candidate as well, with pedroia precedent of win ROY and then MVP in place. just practicing his swing in the kitchen.. he keeps his legs together and steps into the pitch...its a kind of comfy stance but looks weird. wow they just got out of the inning, "you're doing a blog on the game and you 're not even paying attention," says dawson...his tv, computer, internet, and good po(in)t.

7:31 pm 2-1 sox top 2nd where is dice-k anyways? WOW lowell has no legs anymore. he's lost an inside the park homer already this year and he's bound to lose RBI's that way...'course you could say compared to who brother bartles? 4-1 nick green! just arguing the inevitability of papelbon's free agency...I'm not sure...

7:40 pm this team bores me..dawson doesn't see it. 5-1 pedroia rules ..this much i know.

7:44 pm youk looked safe..."tie goes to the runner, that's the fucking rule," emphasizes dawson.

7:46 pm all wake needs to do ...is pitch ok. he's been dominant, really. how old is he...hold on.......he's 42! pretty ironic I think he threw his almost no-no in oakland on that day when they all wear jackie's 42

gotta go...

you can't steal home again...

Pettitte had a minor meltdown on the mound last night when Aybar got on third base in the top of the third inning. He just stood there, and you could see him thinking about Aybar stealing home, and how pissed he was about letting that little runt ellsbury steal home on him on Sunday night. He stepped off five times in a row prompting Girardi to rush out to the mound and basically tell him to "cut the bullshit, and pitch..." it was amazing. he almost looked like he wanted to take off his mitt and say that he just didn't want to pitch anymore. luckily, he got out of that inning before imploding just a couple of innings later, along with the bullpen, what's new?  an eighth and ninth inning rally led by Cano (18 straight) and the kid Pena pulled this game from off the scrap heap, and we all jump around in walk off glory.... monday and the red sox couldn't come soon enough, Pettitte won't pitch to the red sox, but someone here has got to teach ellsbury a motherfucking lesson...

Yankees win, but...

(what is this guy???)

Yankees win, Cano hits in his 17th straight game, evrything looks good. or would have looked good. brother bartles conned me with free beer into watching this silly bulls/ celtics game instead. there is nothing greater than free beer, thank you btw, and watching someone get all upset over a game when they have been told they have to be quiet and watch it on a 13 inch screen. don't worry bartles, there is always saturday, and another triple overtime to go....

tonight

hughes was awesome. melancon was great. cano has hit in 15 straight. matsui has hit in 8 straight, along with jeter. now, wang needs to come back and hughes needs to repeat, and joba can go back to the pen to take the eighth and arod will be a monster. we will be all right soon enough. matsui with his awful knees got a triple tonight. molina hit a grand slam. yankees cut their ticket prices in half. which is probably not nearly enough. boston will come back down to earth. it's only april.....

BARTLES AND JAMES OPEN REGISTRATION

any Yankees/ Red Sox fans are encouraged to join Bartles and James. just send a letter of intent to brianjnoto@yahoo.com. this site is baseball only (and some football, but only in season- no draft or camp talk). politics and recipes and wives should be blogged elsewhere... btw, we will only accept pictures of women's tennis, but no commentary. thank you...

it's only april ("It's getting late early")

it's only april. that's what i keep telling myself. no one remembers april in august. did CC pitch a complete game loss in detroit last night? it's only april. what is boston up to? 10, 11 wins in a row? it's only april. is there a reason half of scranton is in the yankees starting lineup? it's only april. i never thought i would say this: 

WE NEED YOU, A-ROD!!!

ellsbury.......& company

fuck the red sox. i hope they get swine flu. 

The Ghost of David Ortiz (that jersey they almost buried in yankee stadium ended up cursing him/ how scary is it that they score 16 anyways...)

it is kind of depressing to watch a player completely deteriorate. whether it's age, or the performance enhancing drugs wearing off, or a combination of the two. especially with manny gone, there is nothing even slightly intimidating about little papi at bat. and an in game update: 6 - 0 Yankees lead in the fourth, in what has got to be the slowest game ever played on earth. woops, 6 - 1 Yankees, it's too warm to pay attention.... beautiful fucking weather, which is weird with no leaves on the trees, what was i talking about???

*** well, apparently the Yankee stadium jet stream travels with the team. i just happened to check the score and it went from 6-1 to 8-8 in the blink of an asshole. beckit and Burnett were both awful. there is really nothing enjoyable about this game at all...

*** 12 - 10 boston lead in the 7th. 3 and a half hours, and only in the 7th. with no sort of rain delay, or anything. how do they do it? it gets passed from manager to manager, the art of the never ending 9 inning game. this game is officially stupid, but i'll watch the rest because some kind of lightning hurricane has moved in and it is scary to be outside... (even the peregrine falcon in the backyard flew away...)

*** 4 hours and 21 minutes later the red sox win 16 - 11. the only highlight of this game was when jeter hit a foul ball behind home plate and you can very clearly hear a boston fan yell : "that would have been a homerun in your stadium!"... for a 9 inning game in april, 4 hours is just too long, especially when the yankees have absolutely no bullpen left and it will be up to pettitte tomorrow. christ, i don't even want to think about tomorrow.......