clean trials

it occurred to me about 18 months ago that i have been living an unmanageable life.
since then i've made many attempts at living the clean and simple kind of life. the last of these trials lasted from some point friday morning - somewhere after passing out from drinking carlo rossi chablis- until forty five minutes ago. about 60 hours without a chemical influence. no cigarettes no booze no coffee. i realize that they all have to go at the same time. needless to say, i've been asleep for 60 hours. but where there's an itch there's a scratch. i've made some valiant attempts. most of january and i think all of may of this year were clean trials. it's the first 72 hours, after that i can handle anything. as i said these are trials, little lessons all leading up to a successful quit. i will try again, but not until after thanksgiving, that's right bartles, one more spree!!!! anyways, i am completely broke- in every imaginable way- so at some point i just have to. like that huge banner on the back of the Chamonix building at adidas/Portland "impossible is nothing". that banner mocked me every fucking day. more later...