Big babies. Big random babies...

Is there anything as creepy as currier and ives? way back in the attic of my childhood memories with scenes of some kind of christmas torture.

(and rockwell rubs me the wrong way, feels like being sick?)

i'm tired of feeling useless. i'm done typing about it.(this is never writing). it's ridiculous to think that one of the greatest people ever born should feel useless. perhaps i'm too great to do anything. i'll carry that one around for awhile.

watched a nova special on dogs. there was this great part about narcoleptic dogs. this sad little guy starts running down a hallway, gets about twenty feet before completely collapsing, then he gets up and makes it twenty more feet and again collapses. that is the dog for me. it can never get happy it can never get upset. it just goes to sleep.

and what about the homeless in those states that don't carry a bottle deposit? i'm sure there is a study on this. point me towards it.

the car has a flat, which is fine, i don't drive it anyway. i'm trying to get my brother to get me a job at the bowling alley. i worked there when i was 19. i don't want to work there again. but i'm tired of looking for anything else. i have my anything else. i have my everything. and the knowledge that -- the knowledge that just getting up is enough. or even napping is enough. just stay alive is what i learned long ago.

just stay alive is what i should remember and carry. me and my narcoleptic dog.

tomorrow I will decorate and make myself a happy christmastime.