a wake for a family member today. i didn't attend, but not because i don't care, it's just that i don't really have any connection with any of my extended family. I've been to a family picnic or two, years and years ago, but it seems there has never been any interest in this house about ...well about anything at all. i have cousins i haven't seen in years and a cousin or two i don't think I've ever met. i have an aunt that randomly shows up, and that's about it. a grandfather, now dead, that i never met. and another grandfather, now dead, that seemed like he was 100 when i was ten. it's all very disconnected. my father who just recently started talking to his mother again after years of silence and my mother who erases phone messages from her mother and pretends like she never got them. never wonder why i live in one corner of one room and am scared to walk to the end of the driveway... but at least i can never cut my brother and sister out like that. sure, we didn't all get together and like each other until we were in our twenties and needing to borrow money from each other, but that's what family is for....
i have my family. no matter how small and strange it is. and by the way can i borrow twenty, I'll pay you back next week when my..........
album of the week
Something / Anything Todd Rundgren
it's a mess but worth a couple of listens. some of it can make you cry. it's tugging on me today.
I'm pretty sure the only wake I'll ever attend is my own. goodnight...love you all.
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