The Status of Brother James

Unemployed.
Today would mark day eleven and I am making an honest effort to stay awake through the actual daytime hours. The problem however is what the view from my window affords, darkening skies at a quarter of three and I can see the first few flakes of snow beginning to fall. I can only imagine the torture this winter might eventually inflict considering it is snowing this early in the year. I mean October. My god. Coupled with that is the altered state of depression that unemployment always brings, something beyond hopeless, something more useless than anything else. It is not a welcome change from my everyday state of dread, I hate any sort of change. Which would make the fact that I chose to be unemployed all the more unreasonable. I have never been fired from a job, never had a job that was worth getting fired from, in fact I usually quit jobs immediately following some sort of promotion. I guess I'll never get past being a complete dick, quitting after promising employers that I surely "appreciate the promotion and the opportunity to take on more responsibility".... I was trying to build a resume today and I couldn't quite decide between "I am a very easily manipulated employee" and the simple quality, "malleable". My objective always to obtain a position as far away from others as possible and looking forward to the possibility of working in the absolute dark.
I suppose this post sets a tone. Suppose there is only one way to get, and that is brighter. Somehow. Perhaps eighteen more hours of sleep will do, or eight more hours ruining my eyesight in front of this god awful computer screen. I wish this could be more like my stretch of unemployment when I first moved to Portland, something striving there, something exciting and strange. It would take the realignment of serious solar systems for that to be a reality, I fear this will be more like my last stretch of unemployment in Portland. If I can avoid the homelessness this time I will be pleased.
forgive the errors, I haven't written in over 18 months...
I'll be back around...