Ok- A series of events

Apparently I fail in showing passioned interest in the Russian Revolution. My roommates and I were at the bar and JC says to KR: "I'll tell you this because no one else cares"

"What about me?" I say.

eyes rolled.

me with KR, JC

I thought maybe it was about the tabloids they obsessively buy (in

irony, of course!) but no, it was about the goddamn Russian revolution. I overheard her talking of Stalin et al. to KR. Am I building some sort of anti-intellectual/Stalin reputation? It hurt my feelings so I finished my whiskey fast and walked home in the fucking freezing cold. Cried myself to sleep watching Akeelah and the Bee.
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The next day JC mistook my coldness as being caused by my having overheard her fucking a guy she met at the hot dog stand the night before. However, I had no knowledge of such an event. But it gives me time to build up my Russian Revolution love without her noticing.
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I have these two new friends who took me to the mall and got my ears pierced. "Instant lady-ness!" they exclaimed. I also bought the tightest of tight jeans ever and we played girl talk at my house. They left at one am and I drank an entire bottle of wine alone and sat in a chair texting Cory. Or rather, writing out drafts of texts and then deleting them. I cannot deny that this a true low point in my life. I was up until 6 am when I finally just passed out. But not before I hit the glorious paranoia plateau of intoxication. During which I paced around the house with my cell phone (for emergencies) and some mace tucked into the waistband of my shorts, turning the heat up and down and locking and unlocking doors . It was really cold and I don't know why I was wearing shorts. But this is America and if we can't walk around our houses in shorts even when its 26 degrees outside, what the fuck are we living for?
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2 suicides in my family since September. The first of my family members I know to die. My mother switched gears into hard drugs and refused to see me when I was in Mass. My husband (ish) drank too much on New Years and pushed me and knocked all the glasses off the counter, screaming at me, threatening suicide. I don't really think of these things. They happened (or I found out they happened) almost 2 weeks ago. I can't even comprehend. Instead, I focus on tight jeans, bad movies, moving the furniture and trying to break up Cory and his gf. Superficiality is a delicious drug.