James Brown/Tom Brady/and my Madden addiction

Everybody has bad days:

It's been a bad year for me, I feel like the equivalent of a high draft-pick that completely doesn't live up to expectatons. (By the way I use sports analogies to help me get through tough emotional things in my life that I can't just come out and talk about, sorry girls, its not exactly new to you, I know).

You say to yourself, "I'm awesome", "Everybody tells me I'm awesome", then you find out that none of those people can pay you a salary and all the people who can do not think you are awesome. Then you get depressed and start crying and calling your mom to tell you about stories when you were really important as a reason for her to keep on going.

James knows what I'm talking about, things weren't always that good. You know what though? This guy is the godfather of soul! Sometimes occurances happen in your life where you don't feel all that hot. That doesn't mean that you never were the man:

Talk about "A Tale of Two Cities" these photos should be in psychology textbooks, when I'm drunk I feel like Tom, when I'm hungover I feel James. A lot of people talk about Einstein's Brain; I suggest demanding Tom Brady's brain as government property. Put that shit in the Smithsonian. Funny stat, I've seen Brady play about fifty times more than I've seen the Declaration of Independence. See the Elias Sports Bureau for that one.

I spent most of the year playing Madden '06. It got to the point where I was showing up late to work to finish games and flunking out of my only class, an entry level intro to computers class. Staying up until 4AM to enginneer trades and scout for drafts. The stress drove me to drink. Of course I would wake up at noon and crack open a 43 cent (at cost) High Life can to start each and every game or administration session.

In short I was a combination of both photos you see above. A winner on the football field, a user of abusive substances, and yet here I sit....still both of those of things. Did you know that Playstation 3 is coming out?

Bet you didn't see that coming.

"I don't think we survived the crash..."

I was pretty much raised on this movie. This and Blazing Saddles.

Caught up in the Rapture of Love/ Whoa-O-O-O-O-Oooohhh

Just wanted to give props to some musicians who have been flying under the radar.

Actually it's just one musician.

I'm not really sure if she's a musician, what am I nuts? Of course she is!

Anita Baker is awesome, go to your local dump and pick up some of her vinyl, it's on dump stands everywhere apparently.

She's really sexy and classy and she has one hell of a voice. Something happens to my loins when she sings. I'm not kidding about that last part, I get all tingly and start calling my girlfriend to see if she can get out of work early whenever I hear that voice. What is she anyways a tenor?

I would rate the sexuality factor very high, right up there with the soft porn footage I saw of Marilyn Monroe when she was un-famous and a brunette and her breasts have more of a swollen cow udder look compared to the more well known classic early-thirties droop look circa "Seven Year Itch".

How many 27 year olds know this shit?

The 17th Day

60mph winds and last night the weather channel was playing Pink Floyds "Run Like Hell" during my local on the 8's update. omens. amen...

I was on a pretty good stretch of staying awake during daylight hours until I reached Friday. I mean I completely lost Friday. I passed out drunk on Thursday night after fearing that all the people I used to know are now dead. I woke up in shambles to greet Saturday morning and an absolute dread when faced with the task of turning on my phone or checking my email. I haven't actually been drinking much since I quit my job. I really do not have the energy to invest in drinking anymore. Not to mention that the money is all gone and a monumental spree just cannot be afforded. Not today, atleast.

But I am awake today, back on the bright and early, watching all manner of leaves and limbs scatter across the yard. I will take the remainder of the day to ponder daylight savings time and listen to classic Phil Hendrie.

until then... (You better run)
brother james

Shades of Donald Trump

A rapper named Sean Combs has a line of skin products, including a body wash named "Unforgivable".

This reminds me of a joke I heard of.

"Sammy Davis Jr. wrote a book titled 'Yes, I Can'. After I read that book I turned to Sammy and I said, 'No, you can't'." --Frank Sinatra

We're not all pyrotechnics and testosterone

Brother Bartles feels your pain, Brother James. When I'm not busy growing my adolescent facial hair, I stay up late worrying about how I don't make more than your average senior in high-school in yearly income. A little bit of advice if I may, I am a bit of an expert in terms of unemployment, I took off a large part of January, all of May, June, July, leading into September and October.
The good news I got hired today, pop open the bubbly, buy some minutes on your pre-paid cellpone and let's celebrate this over an episode of Sportscenter.

The Status of Brother James

Unemployed.
Today would mark day eleven and I am making an honest effort to stay awake through the actual daytime hours. The problem however is what the view from my window affords, darkening skies at a quarter of three and I can see the first few flakes of snow beginning to fall. I can only imagine the torture this winter might eventually inflict considering it is snowing this early in the year. I mean October. My god. Coupled with that is the altered state of depression that unemployment always brings, something beyond hopeless, something more useless than anything else. It is not a welcome change from my everyday state of dread, I hate any sort of change. Which would make the fact that I chose to be unemployed all the more unreasonable. I have never been fired from a job, never had a job that was worth getting fired from, in fact I usually quit jobs immediately following some sort of promotion. I guess I'll never get past being a complete dick, quitting after promising employers that I surely "appreciate the promotion and the opportunity to take on more responsibility".... I was trying to build a resume today and I couldn't quite decide between "I am a very easily manipulated employee" and the simple quality, "malleable". My objective always to obtain a position as far away from others as possible and looking forward to the possibility of working in the absolute dark.
I suppose this post sets a tone. Suppose there is only one way to get, and that is brighter. Somehow. Perhaps eighteen more hours of sleep will do, or eight more hours ruining my eyesight in front of this god awful computer screen. I wish this could be more like my stretch of unemployment when I first moved to Portland, something striving there, something exciting and strange. It would take the realignment of serious solar systems for that to be a reality, I fear this will be more like my last stretch of unemployment in Portland. If I can avoid the homelessness this time I will be pleased.
forgive the errors, I haven't written in over 18 months...
I'll be back around...

Paying rent/Not for profit employees

Sometimes wonder how many people are paying rent for places they never sleep at. What percentage of people sleep somewhere more than fifty percent of the time but pay rent simply to keep fueling the stainless steel chained monster that is their lease?

I'm in this boat, actually have been for most of my twenties. Think about how much rent money your average twenty-something pays in rent just to help somebody else pay their mortgage . Way I see it, I've spent more helping upper-class white dudes by their property than I'll spend donating to worthwhile charities in my lifetime. (Side note, those not-for-profits employees just sit on their ass most of the day anyways) [ Just kidding you guys work your ass off between one and three]

Brother Bartles and Brother James

Monkey Adoption/growing up as a kid

I've been thinking about this a lot and I think I'm going to adopt an underprivileged monkey. I've seen lots of horrifying videos of monkeys working jobs and smoking cigarettes, this makes me angry. Monkeys were meant to be our kind hearted friends that make us laugh by doing handstands or masterbating in public. Being forced to be in television commercials is cruel, though they must like air conditioning. I will get central air for my monkey, only the best.

I used to live in a house with central air, it was really nice. but we had really old carpeting so all this dust (dead skin from fifty years ago) used to get in my nasal passages and make me bleed. It used to drive me crazy, getting bloddy noses all the time while I was growing up. I was an unruly kid growing up, one of the first times I ever masterbated I had a bloody nose and I was playing Sonic the Hedgehog on Sega Genesis, so took a timeout to rub one out with this Kleenex in my nose soaked with blood. Only I pissed myself instead of ejaculating because I didn't know what the hell I was doing. This never happens to monkeys.

Thank You For Joining This....

Whose who

We have yet to decide who is Bartles and who is James...